Day 2

Today I am thankful for friends that make you feel like a supermodel rockstar and don't co-miserate <3


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Day 1 of thankfulness

I am going to try REALLY hard to post something I or my family is thankful for every day this month.

Today I am thankful for acts of kindness. A meal delivered unexpectedly from of friend who knows I am sick. A big smile from a different friend I saw at pick up that lifted my spirits. Hilarious emails from some of the funniest ladies around. The texts of concern I received checking on me, offering help. The welcome myself and the boys get every Thursday at RCIA. I truly had a day filled with kindness and am grateful.


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Birthdays

Birthdays...I love them. Always have. Not just mine, everyone's. I think about family and friends birthdays almost daily. I enjoy finding just the perfect thing to make them feel cherished and special. I even spend time pretend shopping for the people I don't exchange presents with wishing I could just pick this or that up or make this or that to brighten their day. I wish you could give gifts without the person receiving feeling as if they have to return the gesture or the price. I wish you could give and have it be accepted as just that...a gift. Maybe I could be the anonymous birthday fairy...hmmm.

So back to birthdays. Mine is in two days. I am feeling blah about it and this is a new feeling. I've experienced birthday indifference before. I didn't relish 25 because I felt like it was the first age that sounded grown up. I was uneasy my 29th and the entire year following because I realized I had lived longer than my own father. But turning 39...well, it has me blah. Perhaps Mother Nature understands because she has ordered up some blah weather to go right along with my mood.

Is it the end of a decade? Is it the fact that I feel like I wasted so many years? Is it the fact that my skin is turning pasty winter white and suddenly showing a thousand wrinkles? Don't even get me started on my hands! I try not to make eye contact with them when they are on the steering wheel. Oh the I could haves, wish I would haves...boy they can get ya.

I just finished running fartleks on the the treadmill. I hated almost every second of it until half way through when 'The Fighter' by Stereo Hearts came on. I paused and put it on repeat and listened to it for the next 25 minutes. I have this song on my play list because my 10 year old asked me to listen to it so I could let him know if I thought it was o.k. for him to download. As I was listening, I asked him why he liked this song enough to want to buy it. (I am a big you need to argue your case parent) He told me he loved it because the song made him think of me. He said I don't quit when it's hard and he wants to be like me. Bahahahahahahahahaha!!! All that whispering in his ear while he sleeps must be working. Too bad his brain hasn't registered me whispering, " you will no longer beat your brother to a pulp".

So on this blah 39th birthday weekend (I normally celebrate the entire month but have scaled it back to a weekend this year), I'm going to take this compliment from my son and my birthday wish for myself this year is to live up to that opinion of his.

But first, I'm going to drown my birthday blahs away with some cherished ones this weekend ;-) I said nothing about wishing to stop being a procrastinator.

wow-I did it

I did it-I actually followed through with a New Year's Resolution! I only made one for 2012...run a half marathon.

 I ran( I use the verb ran loosely) my first half marathon yesterday. I would love to say it was all that I had dreamed of, that I had an amazing experience. Unfortunately it was not my day. It was my worst run to date...7 MONTHS(well minus the two that were lost to shin injuries) of training and I ran like I hadn't even trained. I cried from the embarrassment...embarrassment of knowing what all the reactions would be from those that have supported me, embarrassment of those first texts that came as soon as I finished letting me know people were watching my sad little dot move along the path on the computer screen...blah, blah, blah.

24 hours later, several "break downs" and a good bit of vodka ;-), I can finally say...I DON'T CARE! Because although my time may be one of the slowest ever seen 'round these parts (did I mention I happen to know an abnormal amount of Boston qualifiers and super runners in general), I HAVE a time, which is more than a bazillion other people can say. I gave it all my body was willing to give and I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!

Finishing is Winning  

Resilience

Resilience: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune. Asperberger's does not allow for the first part but it amazing how resilient my Aspie can be to misfortune.

Today my favorite 10 year old Aspie tried to find some kids to play with as it is his last day of summer vacation. It didn't work out so we decided to spend the day shopping for new shoes and catching a movie. He really wanted to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I wasn't super excited because I wasn't necessarily in the mood to cry! And cry I did. Sob is more like it.

All through the movie I kept thinking of the review I had read in a magazine just the day before. It was something along the lines of... good attempt at telling a story, however, filled with too many overly preachy moments...the line that sticks out most in my head 'we get it, bullying is bad'! I wish more than anything I could meet the person who wrote that review. I would love to find out if he/she has children and if so if he/she by any chance has the wonderful fortune of being blessed with a child that is different than the masses. My guess is I doubt it.

So back to Resilience. I am so grateful that he has the ability to bounce back after misfortune. Sometimes it is because he is not able to read the social clues and isn't even aware of his misfortune. Other times he is more aware than I realize and when I say, "chin up my sweets, it is they that are losing out" he will reply, "it's me losing too Mom, I'll try harder next time".

Today is the day before he starts 5th grade. Last night he already had a panic attack about PSSA's, they happen in March. He is however very excited to get back to school and he's my resilient Aspie.

The Great Sac removal

A few days ago I noticed what appeared to be a cocoon or sac of some type attached waaaaaaaay up high on our family room wall. I stared and stared at it. Consulted a friend visiting about her thoughts on it. It was concluded I should remove it immediately before I was attacked by thousands of spiders. Spiders. The very thing I am most scared of in this world. Goosebumps covering my body just typing the word. After my super smart friend left, I did what any normal person would do. Spent hours of my life googling what could possibly be attached to my wall. Not feeling researched enough, I resumed the quest for identification today. I was getting no where but had manged to convince myself I was dealing with a very dangerous spider situation. Out to the garage for the ladder I went. At this point I peaked the interest of three little men ranging in ages from 10-7. Ladder is now set up and I go to climb it and lose all the courage. I was screaming and basically acting like the cliche girlie girl. Well you never saw three little chests puff up faster in all your days. In the end, it took all three of their efforts to bring the scary sac thingy down. During the removal there were many screams by only me of course. It looked very sticky and I was convinced it was going to rupture and thousands of spiders with huge eyes, hair and shiny fangs were going to attack us. Once it was down my little chivalrous crew did what any crew made up of two 10 and one 7 year old would do...they took it outside to cut it open. And guess what they found as I hid in the house watching through a window...they discovered it was...GUM!!! At which point my 7 year old turned several shades of red and said..."oops, I guess I missed the trash"

Alternate universe

Today was so fantastic I can hardly contain myself!!! People, I can not tell you how different my body feels at 9 o'clock on this gorgeous summer night. Normally I have burning eyes from stress and periodic bouts of crying, tight face, neck and back muscles from stress and several rounds of restraining. But not today...today was the rare golden nugget day. The day that keeps me getting out of bed everyday. My boys slept until 10 & 10:30. Opted out of going to a stream outing with others In favor of playing Lego's with each other. They played for HOURS! We made homemade clay, sculpted, played catch, went on a hike, swam, they played together some more. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to most but it is HUGE! Not one time today did Nick flip out, have an "attack", I don't even know if he ticked! He laughed! He sang! Parker laughed and got to enjoy time with his brother. The best part was Bob's schedule changed at the last minute keeping him working from home for one more day allowing him to see the golden nugget day as well. The one precious day that shows up out of the blue where Tourette's and Aspergers do not rule our world. I am so unbelievably grateful for this day 💜


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