Saturday, July 23, 2011

Silver lining?

You know that saying about every dark cloud has a silver lining? I hate that saying. I hate it like I hate when people say God doesn't give more than we can handle.

Am I supposed to think that even though my son repeatedly banged his head against a car window, screamed and cried saying he wished he was dead I'm somehow lucky that it's not worse?

What am I supposed to say when he asks why him?

I realize I am inordinately blessed to have him. He can walk and talk and say I love you. He is physically healthy.

But my heart breaks for him. I am incredibly angry that he does not get to be "normal". He can't eat all the things you want as a nine year old. He can't control when his body is going to move. He can't handle crowds or commotion without anxiety. He can't be happy go lucky and that is what more than anything pisses me off. Every child deserves to be happy go lucky.

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