oh the great outdoors

My husband, bless his heart, is a unique breed.  Bob can be somewhat of an obsessive compulsive. Not in the things need to be clean and organized sort of way-definitely not in that way! In the gets absorbed in things sort of way. Fishing, hunting, fishing, running, fishing, camping, fishing...you get my point. Currently he is consumed by camping. The thrill of finding an off the beaten path site, all the amazing new gadgets... This man can read about gear for hours on end. HOURS on end people! For the past two weeks UPS has made almost daily stops at our house with new goodies from Sierra Trading Post and what they didn't deliver he brought home from trips to Cabella's and Gander. Are you seeing what I mean yet? Today was the big day. Camping trip with our two boys plus a friend. They each were required to carry their own belongings to the campsite. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Bob estimated it to be about 1 1/4 miles. So probably closer to 2 miles as he tends to be an under estimator. When the boys put their packs on...well, at some point all three of them fell backwards! It was like the hiking version of that poor kid in the Christmas movie overdressed in the snowsuit. They were flapping on the ground like flipped over bugs! Oh how I would have loved to be able to witness the walk in. I wonder how many times they stopped. How many times my children, especially the youngest swore his legs were not going to be able to take another step. Oh well, this is the stuff great childhood memories are made of and I love my OCD husband for giving my boys and their friend this opportunity, and most importantly, me some peace and quiet.

One journey ends and another begins

We have been on a very long 5 year journey. The past 5 days of this journey have been almost unbearable. But we made it through and now we begin a new journey. A journey of letting go, of forgiving ourselves for not always making the best parenting decisions and most importantly a journey of healing. We finally got ourselves in front of a doctor and team that understood Nick immediately. Yes we knew he had Tourette syndrome but there was always something else. Doctor to doctor, therapist to therapist we went. Year after year. All the right "assumptions" were being thrown around but no one would commit because of this or that. Mainly they thought he was simply "too bright". Well turns out you can be extremely gifted and have Asperger's syndrome and Tourette syndrome. Who knew? I did. But don't us Mom's always know. Of course I didn't want to believe it and for years have given every excuse I could think of why it couldn't be so. I think in time I'll forgive myself. I know if I would have "jumped" on previous suggestions of Asperger's I could have gotten help for Nick sooner. I'm just trying to believe it took as long as it did because we were supposed to get in front of one of the leading experts in the field. So that's where we are and we couldn't have made it this far with out all the love and support of family and friends. Some friends I have lost but I'm still grateful for the time they were there to offer a shoulder to cry on or a supportive hand. For those friends/family that have stuck by us through the good and the bad I have no proper words. Thank you does not seem enough. Especially those of you that came to the rescue these past few days. We are so blessed to have such fabulous and selfless people in our lives. We love you all!

Hallelujah Chorus

requested breakfast of eggs and apple slices

ready to go!

they were so annoyed by this point!

My school bus cake I made all by myself-don't look close

Today was the first day of 4th and 1st grade in our house. This is the first time I have ever had both children in an actual school and the same one! I could hardly sleep last night. It was worse than Christmas morning! You see, I LOVE my children, I LOVE summer and I LOVE spending time with them but I also LOVE the start of school. I am not like the norms. It's true that I can't believe how old they are, how big they've gotten and how fast the time has gone but I will not be boo-hooing about how sad I am to have summer come to an end. I am rejoicing and the Hallelujah chorus is playing in my head! School time is here!

Go Fasters

Today the boys and I headed to a track by our house to break in our new "go Fasters". On the way I made the boys decide how many laps we were going to run. I'm trying to work on their goal setting and follow through. Not mine of course(lie). We decided on 10 laps and hit the dirt. By turn one I was cursing myself for not bringing my iPod to drown out the whining in my head. I mean the boy's complaints. Somewhere around lap 1200 or 5 I heard screaming. I turned assuming I'd see two boys fighting in the gravel...to my surprise I saw two boys jumping and cheering for ME! What?!? I heard, "go Mommy go!" "there's smoke coming off your shoes!" Oh the sweet joy of childhood imagination. Thanks to the dust from the gravel I was for just a moment my boy's hero...for a fleeting moment. Then it was back to, "you're not really going to make us do ALL ten." Oh silly little boys...

Heard

Sometimes I wish I didn't have supersoncic hearing. I can't even blame it on being a Mom. I've always had an annoyingly sharp ability to hear conversations. Today on our way home from a fabulous day at the movies we were rockin' out to Pit Bull (did I mention I'm a stellar Mom) when I overheard the following..."Nick, what does it mean to grab somebody sexy, what's sexy?" Reply, "you know when we watch Scooby-doo, Daphne is sexy. Velma is not. And I think it means you wear that stuff we saw at Target." Nothing like a big brother to explain life.

Two things about that conversation

1. more often than not my children say I'm a Velma

2. I've always been able to sleep guilt free telling myself kids don't really hear the words to songs...I am not, will not, and can not listen to Kidz Bop.

Silver lining?

You know that saying about every dark cloud has a silver lining? I hate that saying. I hate it like I hate when people say God doesn't give more than we can handle.

Am I supposed to think that even though my son repeatedly banged his head against a car window, screamed and cried saying he wished he was dead I'm somehow lucky that it's not worse?

What am I supposed to say when he asks why him?

I realize I am inordinately blessed to have him. He can walk and talk and say I love you. He is physically healthy.

But my heart breaks for him. I am incredibly angry that he does not get to be "normal". He can't eat all the things you want as a nine year old. He can't control when his body is going to move. He can't handle crowds or commotion without anxiety. He can't be happy go lucky and that is what more than anything pisses me off. Every child deserves to be happy go lucky.

Morning air

In 2001 my father-in-law had a quadruple by-pass and has been walking everyday since. When we are in Pittsburgh I always enjoy joining him. Today I encouraged my husband to come as he always passes planning to run later in the day. It's nice to have the time with Pappy. He chats about the area and stories of days gone by. Today was a 5 mile walk up some rather cruel Pittsburgh hills...I think my hubs is glad I talked him into spending time walking in the morning air with his Daddy-O.


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