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Day 20

A minute late- grrr! Today I am thankful for my hubs being home for a whole week! Honest, I am. I know I joke about it driving me crazy but it is so wonderful to just be able to look at him. Sure the homework help, refereeing of fights, switching laundry, running the dishwasher is all wonderful as well. But truly, it is just being able to look at him that I am thankful for. He's pretty great to look at ;-)


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Day 19

Today I am thankful my 11 year old FINALLY stood up for himself!!! Not in an aggressive way either but in a quite mature manner. I am also thankful to now be sitting in a movie theater with him watching him dance and laugh to the music before the hour long previews begin :-O. We are the only people in the theater. Makes being spontaneous on a school night that much more fun!


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Day 18

Today I am thankful for my decision to join the Catholic Church. It has been years in the making. Today was the Rite of Welcoming. Although incredibly uncomfortable for someone of my personality to stand in front of the church, I was at ease. To see Parker going through the process and having our dear friends sponsor us, it was quite a moving experience. Nick was unable to attend; he tried his hardest to get there but sometimes Aspberger's wins. His name was still read in front of the church and I had to hold back tears; my heart ached for him. Although I wish I would have had the courage to make this decision earlier(somewhere in the back of my head I always knew), I am also thankful for the paths of faith exploration I took to get here. So many incredible people were brought into my life and helped me grow with their patience. I had a lot of questions ;-).


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Day 17

Today I am thankful for an evening at the parade with favorite people. I love that it just works, that no matter the span in ages of our children they play and take care of each other. I love them all.


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Day 16

Today I am thankful for the spirit that fills us this time of year. When more often than not you find yourself thinking about all the blessings in your life. It is also a time I tend to reflect and take stock of how I'm living my life. Am I making choices consistent with my values? Am I doing my part to bless the lives of others? How can I develop my little men into amazing, well rounded gentleman? What can I do to let Bob know how appreciated and loved he is? Yep, the spirit always gets me a ponderin' this time of year.


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Day 15

Today I am thankful for finding friends that are as Twilight crazy as me <3



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Day 14

Today I am thankful for the visit from one of my most favorite people in the whole world. She is my reality check, my friend that makes me want to work harder at being the best me I can be, the friend I can be completely honest with and there is no judgement. Thank you Renee <3


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Day 13

Today I am thankful my husband's work schedule allowed for him to be home on a Tuesday night. We went to dinner with the boys, they all got haircuts and we did some shoe and clothes shopping for the boys. A typical night by all accounts but considering Bob's schedule, it was a small miracle for us! Felt good to be typical, not to mention the help with the boys, homework, the dogs, the nightly routine/chores...so thankful <3


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Day 12(late)

I am thankful I made his list




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Day 11

Ran today for the first time in two weeks thanks to pneumonia. 5.5 miles on Ship rails to trails, it felt fantastic to be back out in the morning air and in the company of some lovely friends. Followed that up with a 3 hour hike with a friend's family literally up the side of a mountain! Up was tough but down- well, we could have made Tosh.O if someone was videoing! But now I am bone tired. I love ending the day feeling that way. So tonight I am thankful for my favorite gray cozy blanket and two pooches to curl up with whilst waiting for Homeland.




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Day 10

Today I am thankful for snuggle time and movie night with my boys. Even if I had to take two separate photos because they refuse to be photographed together 😬





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Day 9

A little late...Yesterday I was thankful for the chance to spend the evening with old friends, new friends and everything in between. Dueling pianos- who knew it could be so much fun.




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Day 8

Ahhhh, today I am thankful for the cup of hot decaffeinated, sugar free Suisse Mocha in the coolest mug from one awesome friend <3




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Day 7

Today I am thankful for a bracelet given to me by a friend. It was a shining reminder that I desperately needed today. In the aftermath of the election in which my candidate did not win, I found it difficult to not want to demand answers from my friends voting opposite me. I wanted to ask them to explain their convictions so I could perhaps make some sense out of it. Because I can not wrap my brain around it. But instead, I chose to love.


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Day 6

Today I am thankful for my biggest little man. Today is his 11th Birthday and I can not believe so many years have flown by. He is such an amazing wise beyond his years kid with the most gentle and pure heart. ( except toward his brother :-) ) I am honored that God chose me to to have the privilege of raising this beautiful soul. May he always walk in sunshine <3 and may his wishes come true.



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Day 5

Today I am thankful for Taylor. Our family is very blessed to have the opportunity to share our life with her. Although she drives me absolutely crazy some days and I am very hard on her, I couldn't imagine her not being with us. I cherish her quick wit, pure heart and willingness to help.


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Day 4

Today I am thankful for my amazing husband. He works his tail off to take care of us. He is one of the most hands on Dad's I know. He is strong, confident and brave. Just the right amount of fun even if I tease him for being too serious; I wouldn't want him to be any different. And most important, he gets me <3


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Day 3

Today I am thankful for the kind of friend that cooks you your own baby lasagna for her dinner party because you don't eat meat or chunks <3 "what? You don't eat no meat?!?! That's ok, I'll serve you lamb".


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Day 2

Today I am thankful for friends that make you feel like a supermodel rockstar and don't co-miserate <3


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Day 1 of thankfulness

I am going to try REALLY hard to post something I or my family is thankful for every day this month.

Today I am thankful for acts of kindness. A meal delivered unexpectedly from of friend who knows I am sick. A big smile from a different friend I saw at pick up that lifted my spirits. Hilarious emails from some of the funniest ladies around. The texts of concern I received checking on me, offering help. The welcome myself and the boys get every Thursday at RCIA. I truly had a day filled with kindness and am grateful.


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Birthdays

Birthdays...I love them. Always have. Not just mine, everyone's. I think about family and friends birthdays almost daily. I enjoy finding just the perfect thing to make them feel cherished and special. I even spend time pretend shopping for the people I don't exchange presents with wishing I could just pick this or that up or make this or that to brighten their day. I wish you could give gifts without the person receiving feeling as if they have to return the gesture or the price. I wish you could give and have it be accepted as just that...a gift. Maybe I could be the anonymous birthday fairy...hmmm.

So back to birthdays. Mine is in two days. I am feeling blah about it and this is a new feeling. I've experienced birthday indifference before. I didn't relish 25 because I felt like it was the first age that sounded grown up. I was uneasy my 29th and the entire year following because I realized I had lived longer than my own father. But turning 39...well, it has me blah. Perhaps Mother Nature understands because she has ordered up some blah weather to go right along with my mood.

Is it the end of a decade? Is it the fact that I feel like I wasted so many years? Is it the fact that my skin is turning pasty winter white and suddenly showing a thousand wrinkles? Don't even get me started on my hands! I try not to make eye contact with them when they are on the steering wheel. Oh the I could haves, wish I would haves...boy they can get ya.

I just finished running fartleks on the the treadmill. I hated almost every second of it until half way through when 'The Fighter' by Stereo Hearts came on. I paused and put it on repeat and listened to it for the next 25 minutes. I have this song on my play list because my 10 year old asked me to listen to it so I could let him know if I thought it was o.k. for him to download. As I was listening, I asked him why he liked this song enough to want to buy it. (I am a big you need to argue your case parent) He told me he loved it because the song made him think of me. He said I don't quit when it's hard and he wants to be like me. Bahahahahahahahahaha!!! All that whispering in his ear while he sleeps must be working. Too bad his brain hasn't registered me whispering, " you will no longer beat your brother to a pulp".

So on this blah 39th birthday weekend (I normally celebrate the entire month but have scaled it back to a weekend this year), I'm going to take this compliment from my son and my birthday wish for myself this year is to live up to that opinion of his.

But first, I'm going to drown my birthday blahs away with some cherished ones this weekend ;-) I said nothing about wishing to stop being a procrastinator.

wow-I did it

I did it-I actually followed through with a New Year's Resolution! I only made one for 2012...run a half marathon.

 I ran( I use the verb ran loosely) my first half marathon yesterday. I would love to say it was all that I had dreamed of, that I had an amazing experience. Unfortunately it was not my day. It was my worst run to date...7 MONTHS(well minus the two that were lost to shin injuries) of training and I ran like I hadn't even trained. I cried from the embarrassment...embarrassment of knowing what all the reactions would be from those that have supported me, embarrassment of those first texts that came as soon as I finished letting me know people were watching my sad little dot move along the path on the computer screen...blah, blah, blah.

24 hours later, several "break downs" and a good bit of vodka ;-), I can finally say...I DON'T CARE! Because although my time may be one of the slowest ever seen 'round these parts (did I mention I happen to know an abnormal amount of Boston qualifiers and super runners in general), I HAVE a time, which is more than a bazillion other people can say. I gave it all my body was willing to give and I ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!

Finishing is Winning  

Resilience

Resilience: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune. Asperberger's does not allow for the first part but it amazing how resilient my Aspie can be to misfortune.

Today my favorite 10 year old Aspie tried to find some kids to play with as it is his last day of summer vacation. It didn't work out so we decided to spend the day shopping for new shoes and catching a movie. He really wanted to see The Odd Life of Timothy Green. I wasn't super excited because I wasn't necessarily in the mood to cry! And cry I did. Sob is more like it.

All through the movie I kept thinking of the review I had read in a magazine just the day before. It was something along the lines of... good attempt at telling a story, however, filled with too many overly preachy moments...the line that sticks out most in my head 'we get it, bullying is bad'! I wish more than anything I could meet the person who wrote that review. I would love to find out if he/she has children and if so if he/she by any chance has the wonderful fortune of being blessed with a child that is different than the masses. My guess is I doubt it.

So back to Resilience. I am so grateful that he has the ability to bounce back after misfortune. Sometimes it is because he is not able to read the social clues and isn't even aware of his misfortune. Other times he is more aware than I realize and when I say, "chin up my sweets, it is they that are losing out" he will reply, "it's me losing too Mom, I'll try harder next time".

Today is the day before he starts 5th grade. Last night he already had a panic attack about PSSA's, they happen in March. He is however very excited to get back to school and he's my resilient Aspie.

The Great Sac removal

A few days ago I noticed what appeared to be a cocoon or sac of some type attached waaaaaaaay up high on our family room wall. I stared and stared at it. Consulted a friend visiting about her thoughts on it. It was concluded I should remove it immediately before I was attacked by thousands of spiders. Spiders. The very thing I am most scared of in this world. Goosebumps covering my body just typing the word. After my super smart friend left, I did what any normal person would do. Spent hours of my life googling what could possibly be attached to my wall. Not feeling researched enough, I resumed the quest for identification today. I was getting no where but had manged to convince myself I was dealing with a very dangerous spider situation. Out to the garage for the ladder I went. At this point I peaked the interest of three little men ranging in ages from 10-7. Ladder is now set up and I go to climb it and lose all the courage. I was screaming and basically acting like the cliche girlie girl. Well you never saw three little chests puff up faster in all your days. In the end, it took all three of their efforts to bring the scary sac thingy down. During the removal there were many screams by only me of course. It looked very sticky and I was convinced it was going to rupture and thousands of spiders with huge eyes, hair and shiny fangs were going to attack us. Once it was down my little chivalrous crew did what any crew made up of two 10 and one 7 year old would do...they took it outside to cut it open. And guess what they found as I hid in the house watching through a window...they discovered it was...GUM!!! At which point my 7 year old turned several shades of red and said..."oops, I guess I missed the trash"

Alternate universe

Today was so fantastic I can hardly contain myself!!! People, I can not tell you how different my body feels at 9 o'clock on this gorgeous summer night. Normally I have burning eyes from stress and periodic bouts of crying, tight face, neck and back muscles from stress and several rounds of restraining. But not today...today was the rare golden nugget day. The day that keeps me getting out of bed everyday. My boys slept until 10 & 10:30. Opted out of going to a stream outing with others In favor of playing Lego's with each other. They played for HOURS! We made homemade clay, sculpted, played catch, went on a hike, swam, they played together some more. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal to most but it is HUGE! Not one time today did Nick flip out, have an "attack", I don't even know if he ticked! He laughed! He sang! Parker laughed and got to enjoy time with his brother. The best part was Bob's schedule changed at the last minute keeping him working from home for one more day allowing him to see the golden nugget day as well. The one precious day that shows up out of the blue where Tourette's and Aspergers do not rule our world. I am so unbelievably grateful for this day 💜


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Sibling love/hate

For all intensive purposes I am an only child (explains a lot, right?). I have a half-brother but only lived with him for a short time when I was very young and I have three step-sisters but didn't gain them until I was in my late twenties. Due to this, I genuinely have trouble understanding sibling relations. I don't understand why they can't just walk away, I don't understand why they can't look out of the same car window. It's like they are each others own toxic addiction.

Today has been one of those unbelievably hard days. One that you would have to have an Aspie to understand. Days like these I sort of feel like I'm in some crazy dream. Your happy and laughing one minute and being chased by a crazed axe murderer the next. Up down, up down. After a day like this, I am drained. Physically and emotionally and it will take all I have to make it through bedtime. What never ceases to amaze me though is Parker's love for his brother and his ability to just bounce right back after an afternoon of serious physical and verbal torture. He went from crying hysterically from some very cruel words and a strong punch to having a James Bond style water gun battle on this chilly afternoon. I wish I bounced back like him. Life lesson to learn from my six year- don't take it so personal.

Best Weekend of My Life

This weekend my husband took Nick on his first full weekend fly-fishing trip. It was by all accounts a very successful trip. Nick even told Bob on the way home it was the best weekend of his life. Am I jealous...ABSOLUTELY, but I know a boy needs his Daddy time. (Doesn't mean I have to like it)

Stupid, stupid, stupid test

This week is PSSA week for my fourth grader. I realize many children are affected by standardized tests, hopefully not many to the level of our house.

Our affectedness began about two weeks ago. It took me some time to put the pieces of the elevated tics and outbursts puzzle together but I got it. Plus the emails from his teacher describing his anxiety attack during a session discussing the exam clued me in. Thank the Lord he does not attend a school that has PSSA centered teaching and they don't make references to it regularly.

So today was Day One of the stupid exam. My child is fortunate enough to be given his exam in a private room with a scribe on hand if needed. Even with all of that and having parents that laugh at the pointlessness of the stupid exam, he still cried all day and made himself physically sick. Nobody talks about how Tourette's can often come with a side of extreme perfectionism. It's more fun to talk about the bad words shouted in the most rare cases. No one wants to hear about the all to common crippling mental tics.

I know that I am really offending some people by calling the exam stupid. For the record, even if my child did not have special circumstances I would still refer to it as STUPID! I seriously don't understand the point of these tests and what they are really used for. If you need one long ass exam to let you know if your child is performing at an acceptable level then I feel you are not involved enough in their education. If the school needs the exam to realize the child is not performing properly or they have potentially shitty teachers then they as an institution are not involved enough.

Really, what is the point of these exams?

If you make it through standardized exam time with little to no effect on your family, make sure to give thanks and hug your child.

If you are a family like ours, give thanks for your fabulously unique child and hug him or her extra tight.

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Gasp!

This weather is so ridiculously fabulous! I'm trying to make sure we take full advantage of it just in case Mother Nature decides to throw us a curve ball before Spring officially takes hold.

Today I surprised the boys at pick up with two things, Taylor and a trip to Devil's Den.

This is HUGE because Devil's Den is my "Mommy GASP" thing. All Mom's have them. It's the thing that makes you go, "GASP, GASP" in quick succession. Some Mom's do it at the play-ground. Some do it when 4-wheelers are around. Heck, some just do it when there kid moves an inch. Being a boys Mom, I've learned to roll with a lot of things. I don't "GASP, GASP" too often. I'm pretty big on natural consequences. But Devil's Den, that's a whole other story. Just the sight of those rocks and my palms start sweating, my heart begins pounding in my chest. I thought today would be different. I had given myself a good pep talk and I had Taylor with me. How bad could this be? I'm cool (although my oldest says that means Constipated Overweight Out of style Loser these days). I'm not sure I even made it a full minute before the shear panic set in. I tried. I really, really tried. I am embarrassed to think of how many "GASP, GASPs" came out of my mouth. Eventually I took refuge in a fetal position against a rock(not really, but I swear I was close to it),  snapped some pictures and counted the minutes until we could leave. They better remember this day!

A Hunting we will go

Remember how I mentioned OCD in a previous post?

In addition to climbing trees, he is obsessed with Dragons. Yep, that's right, dragons. Both of these current obsessions happen to go hand in hand. Now luckily he was given a Mom who for many of her youthful years happened to believe the mountains around us took their shape from the sleeping dragons that lay beneath them. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking about how incredibly jealous you are that my Dad told me the tallest tales imaginable. What you are not jealous of is my brain that secretly likes to believe all of these things are possible!

When this obsession started to take hold, I was not in such a happy place. I may have even tried to squash the youthful imagination that I hold so dear in my boys. Thank goodness I'm a blabber mouth and told a friend or two of my fun sucking conversation with my son. Once the words were out and hanging in the air, I felt like I was punched in the gut. That's not who I am. I'm the Mom that embraces these quirky behaviors and rolls with it. So to make up for my bad Mommy ways, I read up on these dragons. I held court with my 10 year old I tell ya. He thinks I'm pretty cool. Especially when I said, "sure, let's drive out to Calendonia and go Dragon egg hunting".  Why not? Lord knows my days of being cool are limited with these two. Truth be told I think my days of being cool to my six year old are long gone.

Highs and Lows

What a weekend! We went from extreme lows to extreme highs and everything in between.

My oldest is a double dipper. Not the chips and dip kind but the autistic spectrum kind. He double dips with Tourette Syndrome and Aspbergers. His tics, like most with the syndrome, are not extreme. If you don't know he has the syndrome you may not even notice the head and neck jerks. You will probably notice the incessant nose picking. Poor thing, we've really worked hard on finding a substitute tic for that one but so far no luck. In addition to these motor tics he also has mind tics as I like to call them. It's like extreme OCD for a short period of time. Tics wax and wane but when they are in full swing-ugh. Add in the Aspberger's component and well...it ain't pretty folks.

For instance, Saturday he was bound and determined he was going to climb a tree. We do not have any climbing trees. In 15-20 years maybe, but now, not so much. So every 30 secs, literally, he was a broken record about trying to climb a tree. Before any fun things were going to happen he needed to help clean up his room. Long story short, his brain was telling him CLIMB A TREE AND CLIMB IT NOW!!! Next followed lots of restraining, a massive blow to my lower back and a run away. Just shy of an hour later he was located waaaaaaaaaaaaay up in a tree in the front of our neighborhood. No need to dwell, we made it through Saturday. I was definitely glad to be losing an hour. I wanted the day to be over with.

Fast forward to Sunday, new day, better day. Shopping, fishing and hanging outside. My heart was so happy to see the boy who had struggled so terribly the day before enjoy the sunshine. He giggled,  chased, sang and ate s'mores.  Like the song that I always sing to him when he is grumpin' at me...'along with sunshine, there's gonna be a little rain sometimes'...I love him in the sun and the rain

early signs

I'm sure every parent has those moments when something happens causing you to flash forward in your mind and you see your sweet baby doing keg stands at college...no? Well you are lucky because my 6 year old causes me these moments almost daily! I give you today's evidence...

Before school this morning he frantically calls me into the bathroom. I hurry, mind racing, hoping the stomach flu hasn't come back for round three. Nope. No flu. He wanted to show me that his poop looked EXACTLY like the Empire State building.

Leaving school we drive down what I like to call Frat boy row. With our amazing Spring like weather all the boys were out on their front porch. My poor rule following 10 year old said with disgust, "look at them sitting there-they all have lap tops and beer". It was true. It could have been a great Apple commercial because it was a complete row of 8-10 college boys, feet up on the railings and Mac-books on their lap. I just don't know how Apple would feel about the Yuengling bottles in their hands. (college beer has come a long way)

Anyway, my darling 6 year old, mouth gaping, cartoon hearts floating on the outside of his eyes says, " THAT'S COLLEGE"!!!

so you see...flash forward and my sweet, sweet 6 year old is talking about his latest poop art and doing keg stands on a beautiful early Spring day...but seriously, if that image is what gets him excited to go to college, who am I to judge

Thanks, I guess

I've decided that 2012 is the year I will embrace my "luck". By "luck", I mean the insane amount of 'it could only happen to me' incidents. Or, if it's going to happen it will happen to me incidents. I usually take these little life burps as I like to call them in stride. However, I've been known to after months of burp after burp get a tad overwhelmed. A friend recently noted that perhaps I am inviting chaos into my life...I'm sure she's right but I'm not sure I know how to stop inviting it! Today I had two such burps.

1. I discovered that for the past several months I have been kindly paying someone living in the Williamsport, PA area's cable bill. Thank you Comcast for entering my information under their file. Thank you Comcast for arguing with my voiced suspicion. ;-p Thank you Comcast for promptly investigating and refunding my bank account. I feel bad for the person that is going to be told they owe several months worth of cable bills cause Comcast is RIDICULOUSLY expensive!

2. Pip, the pain in the butt beagle went for a booster and a Lyme's vaccination today. After which I dropped her off and did my afternoon pilgrimage to Gettysburg. I came home to find her rigid and shaking uncontrollably with crazy amounts of drool pouring out of her mouth. Rush her back to the Vet, where she received an IV of meds, shots of steroids and some disgusting vitamin concoction that stunk like you would not believe. So she's allergic to one of the shots she got earlier in the day and in two weeks when she gets a Lyme's booster we will get to see if it is that one. Fun times.

Dear Random Citizens

I feel FANTASTIC today after having been knocked out by some wicked virus. To celebrate my exuberant mood I had myself a little car party. On the way to school we jammed to parent approved playlists but on the way home I listened to the the uncensored playlist. Now when I have a car party, I tend to also think I'm magical and have some invisibility cloak around my me. Guess what- it doesn't work. Murphy's law guarantees the day you plan to act like an absolute idiot in your car you will hit EVERY stinkin' red light and cross walk between your travel points.

1st point of humiliation I was having a serious Voice tryout to 'Brass in Pocket' at a red light ...I notice a young gentleman pointing and laughing so hard he may have hit his head on the steering wheel- to him I say, "You are welcome for me starting your day with a sight you can laugh about ALL day".

2nd point of humiliation I was almost home but had to stop for a sweet little lady crossing the street. By this point I had my window down, I mean it's like 70, and unfortunately had my music at a level shamefully inappropriate for someone my age AND it was Eminem. To this lady I say- "I'm very sorry for possibly taking some precious time from your life. I do not want you to 'shake that ass for me'."

 I may have to go to therapy to erase her frightened look from my memory.

Figures the next song on the play list was 'Luckenbach Texas'. Damn Waylon Jennings, where were you when I needed you.

Wow, I just remembered we have a blog!

It has been FOREVER since I've posted on our  happenings...so much to tell I'm not sure where to start...I think until I decide how I want to use our blog again I'll post some pics from the last several months

Quick tidbit for today before the picture show....When you can't find your cell phone don't waste time looking for it. Go straight to your dumb, dumb beagle and you will find it being chewed to pieces- Perfect